Crushed by Disappointment! What Now?

My student has been crushed by disappointment. What now?

“Terminated.” I couldn’t believe those words came out of my boss’s mouth. With such a small, yet heavy word, I was crushed! It was something out of my control, something I never experienced, something I could have never imagined. Soon after the spiral began and I was tempted to make destructive decisions. Have you been there? I’m sure we all have, and our young people are not exempt from disappointments either. What can we do in moments when those closest to us are crushed by disappointment?

Sit.

One friend sat with me. He was silent with me. He cried with me. I didn’t know that was what I needed, but I learned quickly how powerful that moment was for me. He didn’t offer me cliche “churchy” answers, he didn’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t do, he didn’t tell me that everything was going to be ok or that God was going to “work it for my good.” He was simply willing to be present in my time of pain. He just sat.

IT'S NOT EASY.

It can be inconvenient.

There isn’t a placeholder on the calendar to sit with someone dealing with disappointment. It isn’t planned out in advance. We must be available when they need it, not when it’s convenient for us. In Job 2:11, Job’s three friends decided together to leave their homes, their jobs, their families, to go and comfort their friend who had lost nearly everything. They were willing to go despite the inconvenience.

It can be uncomfortable.
Silence can be awkward. Job’s friends in Job 2:12 leaned into the uncomfortable. “...they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads.” His friends were willing to do things that seemed unnatural and uncomfortable. For us, we might not tear our clothes or sprinkle dust on ourselves, but it might mean being willing to be uncomfortable. Embrace the awkwardness.

It can take time
The amount of time to sit with someone doesn't have a prescriptive measurement. In Job 2:13, Job’s friends ”sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” We might not take seven days to sit in silence. The amount of time really depends on the person. Some might need more time than others. Listen to the Holy Spirit as you discern the time needed.

IT'S VALUABLE.

On more than one occasion I have had someone sit with me in my disappointment, in my pain. The time spent together has built emotional equity and trust. That is so valuable because when the time of “sitting” comes to an end, and it needs to, it allows for conversations (even hard ones) to happen. Then we can begin to help young people process their disappointment, examine their perspectives, and seek healthy solutions.

What are your thoughts?

We want you to win,

The YouthHOPE Team